December 24 2016 I received a phone call at about 3am that would forever change my life.  It was my dad, he was crying telling me my mom wouldn’t wake up and they were on their way to the hospital.  I remember sitting on the edge of my bed confused and wondering if I should go to the hospital or was this just another scare.  Something told me to go.

I quickly got dressed and woke up my oldest daughter Audrey to go with me not really thinking of what the outcome was going to be.   I just thought I needed to be there for my dad.  I remembering praying on the way to the hospital “god please don’t take my mom not yet”.  We get there and are put in the side room with my dad and that is when I really knew it was serious.  People from the church showed up, my brother and his girlfriend came and we all hugged and cried and prayed the doctors could save her.  It seems like it was forever till the doctor came in and told us the news; there was to much damage to save her\.  We needed to go say goodbye.   I called Danial and told him to get there ASAP. 

I remember going in and seeing her laying there.  It looked like she was sleeping.   I held her hand and kissed it and told her how much I loved her and watched as they took her off life support.  We all sat there confused, sad, angry, devastated. I remember going home and just sobbing on my bed.  I remember telling her younger grandchildren that grandma went to heaven and us all sitting on my bed hugging and crying.  I remember the look of sadness on Danials face as he watched his family fall apart in sadness not knowing what to do. 

This day will forever be etched in my mind. How do you say goodbye to your best friend?

This past year has been the hardest year of my life, and as Christmas Eve approaches and I write the date today I can’t help but feel such sadness.  I know she’s in a better place, and she’s not sick anymore.  But, that doesn’t stop me from feeling so lost and sad. 

So just a reminder; if I seem quiet these next few days or sad, just hug me and understand I’m just missing my mama. I wish I could just hold her hand again I love you my angel mama.